A 100% bias free post

From watching CNN and FoxNews all the time (no, not really, but bare with me) I know that to be totally unbiased you have to dedicate an even amount of reporting time to the Left and the Right, which are of course totally static and meaningful categories. So here goes:

For the Left-leaning NewsBluesians, the BBC is reporting this totally sensical bit today:

A Palestinian prisoner has died of wounds he suffered in a riot at a jail in southern Israel.

Israeli prison officials said the man had been hit by what they called non-lethal objects fired by guards during Monday's riot.

He died from non-lethal wounds, then?

Never fear Right-leaning readers (who totally exist). I have some news for you too, courtesy of CNN reporting on the arrest over over 100 protesters yesterday in Washington D.C.:

More than 100 people were protesting both the war in Iraq and U.S. policy on global warming. Some were dressed as polar bears and danced on the sidewalk, while others shouted, "No war" and "No warming."

And while they were at it, they decided to protest fur, gun laws, and marijuana laws as well. I mean, once you start with the protests it's hard to call it quits. And I mean, how often do we have people marching on D.C. nowadays? Gotta be efficient in your protesting. I move for more mergers and acquisitions of protest.

Jimmy! Take me on a genocide tour.

An admission: Jimmy Carter has been conspicuously absent from this here blog. And I admit it: I have a certain fancy that stays with me for Carter, despite his Bono-esque Liberalism. It may have something to do with a certain speech he once gave, but I digress.

So what has Jimmy Carter done this time? Published a book with a provocative title that is completely unjustified by its text? Taken me on a genocide tour? No. Worse. CNN is reporting that, in an interview with the 15-time softball Cy Young Award winning Wolf Blitzer (yay newsvertising), Jimmy Carter said:

"Our country for the first time in my life time has abandoned the basic principle of human rights...We've said that the Geneva Conventions do not apply to those people in Abu Ghraib prison and Guantanamo, and we've said we can torture prisoners and deprive them of an accusation of a crime to which they are accused."

Now let's think about this. Jimmy Carter was born in 1924, in the great state of Georgia. Think about it. Even in the most generous reading, in which the human rights he is discussing are specifically those of the Geneva Conventions, it is still somewhat, err, problematic.

Jimmy, take some advice from NewsBlues. Stick to what you are good at: building homes and winning Nobel Peace Prizes.

Can I join the Whiskey Revolution?

Look who's back. Back again. Chavez's back. Back again.

Long-time NewsBlues favorite Hugo Chavez is back in the news after quite an absence from these pages. Back on his "hombre nuevo" campaign, Chavez had this to say:

What kind of revolution is this? The Whisky Revolution? The Hummer Revolution? No, this is a real revolution!"

Hmm. Tell me more about this whiskey revolution. Can we compare and contrast it with the Boliviaran Revolution?

CNN added this quirky bit to top it all off:

And during marathon speeches he breaks into song frequently -- so often, in fact, that one aide compiled recordings of him singing on an "All Time Hits" CD, which has yet to be released to the public.

Chanukah is coming up pretty soon. Hint, hint.