A 100% bias free post

From watching CNN and FoxNews all the time (no, not really, but bare with me) I know that to be totally unbiased you have to dedicate an even amount of reporting time to the Left and the Right, which are of course totally static and meaningful categories. So here goes:

For the Left-leaning NewsBluesians, the BBC is reporting this totally sensical bit today:

A Palestinian prisoner has died of wounds he suffered in a riot at a jail in southern Israel.

Israeli prison officials said the man had been hit by what they called non-lethal objects fired by guards during Monday's riot.

He died from non-lethal wounds, then?

Never fear Right-leaning readers (who totally exist). I have some news for you too, courtesy of CNN reporting on the arrest over over 100 protesters yesterday in Washington D.C.:

More than 100 people were protesting both the war in Iraq and U.S. policy on global warming. Some were dressed as polar bears and danced on the sidewalk, while others shouted, "No war" and "No warming."

And while they were at it, they decided to protest fur, gun laws, and marijuana laws as well. I mean, once you start with the protests it's hard to call it quits. And I mean, how often do we have people marching on D.C. nowadays? Gotta be efficient in your protesting. I move for more mergers and acquisitions of protest.